Grasshopper: The America's most magical game

Grasshopper is a non-team game that uses two tripods, two soccer balls, and a frisbee. The three principles of Grasshopper are:

1. Fitness - During play, everyone should be sprinting. Each hop should end with all players panting.
2. Equity - Rules should ensure fairness through assigning magic points to all players. Data science should inform changes to rules to ensure better equity.
3. Chaos - Each play should be unpredictable and result in utter confusion.

Due to principle 3, there will sometimes be rule disputes. The 3 principles and the rules below should be your guide in resolving any dispute.

Introductory video

Equipment

To play Grasshopper, you will need:

• Two tripods - Constructed with lashed together sticks, broken camera tripods you found in a dumpster, or any three things leaning against each other.
• Two soccer balls - It is better if the two balls are different colors. Designate one soccer ball the multiball.
• Frisbee - Any frisbee

In addition, several kinds of rare magic require additional equipment. These are optional.

The playing field (pitch)

A Grasshopper pitch is anywhere indoors or outdoors that is at least 45 meters by 30 meters.

The tripods should be placed 15 meters apart in the middle of the pitch. One of the tripods should be designated home. The opposite tripod should have the multiball under it. Draw a line in the ground 5 meters from the opposite tripod and 10 meters from the home tripod. This is the bowl line.

The areas of the pitch are:

• The Barley - The area between the two tripods. The bash bish runs between the two tripods in the barley.
• The Zola - The area 180 degrees behind the bash bish.
• The Beanie - The area 180 degrees in front of the bash bish.

Positions

Players take turns rotating positions between:

• Bash bish - The only player (besides a bettlejuice) who can score during a hop. The bash bish stands at the home tripod until play begins.
• Fans - (Only if needed) - Players who are awaiting return to play, who must scream and yell during play.
• Zola - Fielder directly behind the bash bish. There can be multiple zolas.
• Right beanie - Fielder to the bash bish's right in the beanie.
• Left beanie - Fielder to the bash bish's left in the beanie.
• Rolly polly - The player who rolls the soccer ball to the bash bish.

Four players

If there are only four players, the Zola is no longer a fielder position, and the bash bish cannot kick the soccer ball or throw the frisbee behind them for the initial kick-off.

More than five players

If there are more than five players, keep adding them as fielder positions until it is no longer fun, or is impossible for the bash bish to score. At that point, rotate players from Bash Bish to being the fans.

When summer rules are in effect, then fans are required to sit in the kiddie pool.

Magic points

Before play, each player's lifetime magic index must be either computed. A player's magic index is the mean lifetime score, derived by dividing their lifetime score by the number of games they played.

The player with the highest magic index gets one magic point. The player with the lowest magic score gets three magic points. All other players get two magic points.

Play

Grasshopper is played and scored using sets and hops.

Games, sets, and hops

Each game of Grasshopper consists of sets of hops. Each player gets to be the bash bish, at which point they have an opportunity to score. With the exception of the beetlejuice rule, players can only score points during their hop. Once every player has been the bash bish once, a new set starts.

Games can be as many sets and players would like, but you must complete any set you start. This ensures everyone has a chance to score in a set.

The hop

At the start of a hop, the bash bish stands at the hope tripod, and the rolly polly stands at the opposite tripod. Once all players are in position and ready, the rolly polly must hold the soccer ball high and yell "Rolly polly!"

Bowling

The rolly polly runs towards the bash bish and must bowl the soccer ball towards the bash bish before crossing the bowl line.

A bowled soccer ball must be rolled along the ground in the direction of the home tripod. It must not bounce excessively. If the bash bish decides the bowl is in a ridiculous angle or is bouncing excessively, they may call the bowl as incorrect before trying to kick it, and before the ball passes them.

If the bowl is declared incorrect, and the bash bish has not already tried to kick it, then the ball is returned to the rolly polly and the hop starts over.

Bash bish starts play

The bash bish must throw the frisbee in any direction, unless there are only four players, which case they must throw it in front of the home tripod. The frisbee should be thrown before kicking the soccer ball. Once the soccer ball is touched, the bowl is considered correct.

Scoring

The bash bish must run between both tripods to score points. Every time they touch or get very close to a tripod, they get one point.

Magic spells

At any point after the soccer ball has been kicked and the frisbee was thrown, the bash bish may use a magic point if they have one available. They have to incant a magic by yelling its name as loudly as possible. Players may not reuse magic spells more than once in a game.

• Beetlejuice - Must be called before a fielder has touched the soccer ball. The first player to the soccer ball after calling Beetlejuice becomes "juiced." Juiced players act as defenders for the bash bish:
  • They try to prevent the bash bish from being out.
  • They may only kick the soccer ball, or throw the frisbee, only after it has been touched by another fielder.
  • At the end of the hop, the bash bish recieves 20% of bash bish's points for that hop.
• Grapevine - All players who are not the bashbish may only move by doing a grapevine dance (passing the feet side to side, one in front of the other)
• Multiball - The bash bish, upon reaching the opposite tripod, can pick up the extra soccer ball and kick it in any direction. The bash bish is now not out until the multiball also reaches one of the tripods.
• Ultimate - The frisbee must be tossed between fielders seven times without being dropped, and having been tossed to all players at leasst once unless there are over seven fielders. If the frisbee is dropped, then the counting has to start over again. Even after seven passes, the frisbee must still not be dropped until it is under a tripod. If the fielders wish to move a safe frisbee from one tripod to another, they must pass it between each other or directly to the opposite tripod without dropping it. Dropping a frisbee in the middle of transfer between tripods restarts the seven passes.

Rare Magic

Rare magic can be created by any league as long as it enhances the three core tenants of Grasshopper, and involves objects that the league found just laying around. The following rare magics have been used in prior games:

• Blue Light Special - If a shopping cart is available, you may place it near the barley at an equilateral triangle 5 meters from the middle of the barley, with the corners of the triangle being the tripods. If Blue Light Special is called, the defense can not touch the soccer ball, and must instead push the cart to the soccer ball, place it in the the cart, and then roll the cart to a tripod.

Defense

The bash bish may play defense during their hop by kicking the soccer ball, multiball, or throwing the frisbee. The bash bish may:

• Kick the main soccer ball after it has had contact with a fielder.
• Throw the frisbee after it has had contact with a fielder. The bash bish may intercept tosses or pick the frisbee up off the ground.

The bash bish may not:

• Touch the soccerball or frisbee when it is under the tripod.

Out

The hop proceeds until the bash bish is out. To get a bash bish out, the fielders must get the frisbee under one tripod, and the soccer ball in the other. If multiball was used, the multiball must also be placed under one of the tripods.

A player can be out if they are "brooked." This occurs when their initial soccer ball kick is caught by the fielder (before the ball bounces). All players and fans are required to do a steamroll if any player is brooked. They are also required to be roudy and yell a lot during play.

Ultimate frisbee underhand rule

Any player who has considerable history of playing ultimate frisbee, or is generally very good at throwing the frisbee, that player may only throw the frisbee upside-down (i.e. "the hammer") if they are the bash bish.

Object safety

When any frisbee or soccer ball is in the tripod, it is considered safe. The bash bish may not touch or interfere with anything in the tripod, even if it is in motion.

Calling bullshit & discussion of rules

At any point during play, any player may yell "bullshit" if they truly believe that rules or sprit of the game have been broken. This pauses gameplay while players discuss. During a bullshit pause, all players must do deep squats to keep their leg muscles warm. If a consensus is reached, the ball, frisbee, and other players must move back to the latest point of legal play and resume.

Calling bullshit multiple times, or in an unsportspersonlike manner, is discouraged, and other players may respond by calling "unnecessary bullshit."

Less talk more rock

During any discussion of the rules or fine points of Grasshopper, a player may call "Less talk, more rock." This pauses discussion about rules until the hop is over.

Dancing

At any time during play, or after play, or before play, players may dance. While a player is the bash bish, on what the group considers the last hop, they must dance while waiting for the rolly-polly to bowl. Each players who dances, which is required, recieves an extra point for that hop.